Are You Serious?

I recently had a experience with my husband that should have not surprised me, but it did. The reason it caught me by surprise was because I thought in the almost 31 years of marriage to a military man, I had pretty much heard and seen it all.

It happened one day as I was ironing his clothes for him as he was getting ready to go to work. I had just finished up with his shirt when he came into the room and told me that I didn't have to iron his clothes for him anymore because he wanted to start ironing them himself. Now for a lot of you out there that irons clothes for your spouse you may be thinking, wow, that's great, I wish my husband/wife would say that to me! But hold on for a minute, after I tell you the rest of the story you may think otherwise. He continued to tell me that he would prefer to do it himself because I do not do a good enough job with starching them and he will take care of them himself! My first thought was, "I am not putting enough starch in work clothes for a warehouse facility that you tell me constantly has dust, paper fuzz, etc. flying around in the air while you unload mail from a semi-truck? Are you serious??"

I use this incident to make another point of how the military never fully leaves the person. When we first got married and I was that young bride that wanted to be the perfect little housewife and take care of our home like a "Leave It To Beaver" wife from the 50's, I got one of the first of many jolts of reality about being married to the military. (If you're married to a military person, you're married to the military!) He told me one day that I was not properly ironing the creases in his military uniforms, so I told him that I would no longer do them and he could do them from that point on, and he did. Yes, I was young so I did do it in the wrong attitude of being offended which was not the best choice. Another lesson learned :) I did continue to iron his civilian clothes though. So, in reality I should not have been caught of guard when the remark was made about not enough starch.

I have shared all of this not to put my husband in a bad light but in the hopes of saving an argument for someone who is still very much in that never ending learning process of being in the military life, active or retired. You may be married to someone that is not military but sure has the same mindset and this is for you as well. It will, in some form or fashion always be a part of that person to their dying day, literally. So take it from me, chill, cope and concede to that fact and it will help make your life much happier. Now remember, I didn't say become a doormat to their behavior, that's not a healthy relationship. Just realize that there will be things in them that will never change and if it's something that bugs you, for your own benefit, let it go, unless of course it is unhealthy or dangerous, be sure to get help. Most of us truly know that we detail things to death a lot in the relationships that costs us the most emotionally. So learn to pick and choose your battles wisely and determine if it is truly worth the cost.

A Little Less Ironing :)
Rhonda