Marriages Wouldn't Fail If......

"Marriages Wouldn't Fail If Those Who Said "I do"...DID!

I saw this on a church marquee a couple of days ago and my first thought was the relation to it of the many churches in our area showing the movie Fireproof. Before reading on, take a moment to think on that statement. How different would marriages be if that commitment wasn't forgotten or pushed aside for selfish feelings? As the day went on though it occurred to me that the statement should apply to the many areas of our lives.

Just think, if we treated that person that got "our" promotion at work and our boss that gave it to them, with the love and kindness we are commanded to do, how different would things be for us? If you went to that person and said "Congratulations on the promotion. I was really hoping to get it but I didn't. If there is anything I can do to help you and be a blessing to you please just let me know." First of all, in today's society that is a foreign concept and that person won't have a clue of how to process that at first. But if you do it with sincerity of your heart, God will bless you with other options that weren't there for you before. The peace that you would have in "doing the right thing" would allow you to see those other opportunities that maybe you would be blinded to if you allowed resentment to build up in you because you didn't get the thing you felt you deserved. You may not get what you wanted the way you wanted but you will end up with so much more if you allow Him to help you "do the right thing".

If we all worked harder to teach our kids to DO once they said "I will" how much better would this young generation be in doing the right thing? They would stay true to their word once given, they would give the respect to those in positions of authority over them. They wouldn't take that first job and then decide they don't want to do it and just never show up. They would "do the right thing" and tell that employer that they have changed their mind and will not accepting the job instead of leaving them hanging, so to speak. How many employers would have a different perspective of this young generation if that one thing was changed in them? How would it change their behavior in the classroom? How about among their friends, family, girlfriend/boyfriend?

So, to me, even though that statement I saw that day was directed to marriage and the importance of doing once saying "I do", it should cover so much more in our lives.

I hope that we all strive harder to "do the right thing" so that we will be able to truly say "I did!"

Striving,
Rhonda

The Military In The Man

I should also add to that title the military in the woman:)
My husband and I will be reaching the 31 years of marriage mark in June of this year and a total of 33 years of knowing each other. The one thing that still amazes me is how much of the military is still in him even after being retired for a decade. If you are not familiar with military life it is very regimented and there are no gray areas. Everything is cut and dry, you do something when you are told with no questions asked. Strict discipline everyday is the norm. For this current generation of young people I know this is a foreign a concept for the majority of them. This mindset is an asset and can be a detriment at the same time.

Most people that spend at least 2 enlistments in the military will have the military mindset in them for the rest of their lives. They are excellent workers, they work hard, will work over, will do work that others won't, etc. On the other hand though is the effect it can have on family life. Many military marriages do not survive because of the stress of the jobs involved, separations due to sea duty, overseas duty without their family, and the stringent mindset that is developed in them from the military environment. It is hard for them to have the strictness and discipline of military life in the daily work they are required to do and then just turn that off when they walk into the door of their home with their family.

If you are newly married to someone in the military or you are the one in the military please realize this forming and molding into the military mindset is, and truly will be a part of the rest of your life. Please take heed from a "Salty Dog's" wife to keep this in mind when differences come up in child rearing, decision making and other aspects of your life together. This mindset develops a different point of view like no other influence in your life will. Make a strong effort to remember that your family is your family and not your squadron, platoon, etc. Do not expect your family to behave like military personnel, you are in the military, not them (at least for most military marriages there is only one in the military).

It is my plan to share the lessons I learned about the uniqueness of military life as God puts on my heart to do so. It is my hope that my own experiences will help others (military and non military) learn to work better together as a couple or family and even those that may just work with an active duty or retired military person.

Salute!

Rhonda

But That's Not What I Planned

I want to share one of those lessons that I learned on the long road, but let me assure you that the sooner you learn it, the better. Especially if you're a military family and live with a lot of separation or your spouses' job requires a lot of travel.
When we were newly married we spent our first 6 months together and then at the end of that 6 months my husband had to go on his first sea duty det (detachment that was on an aircraft carrier) for 6 months! I got to spend my 1st (yes first!) wedding anniversary without my husband! Needless to say, I did not handle it well, instead of having that joy that you expect on that first anniversary it was a very depressing day for me. Of course we talked on the phone that day but that could not compensate for the separation.
The point I wish to share with you is that yes, we all have ideas and dreams of how we think our marriage and family life is going to be. It is good to have dreams and to expect that you will have respect, love, etc. but do not set yourself up for disappointment with the unrealistic expectations that all your dreams and plans will become reality. When I had dreams of being married it did not, of course, include spending my 1st anniversary without my husband. Jobs, unexpected situations, just life in general will come along and you will have unexpected choices to make. The sooner you learn to be flexible and to adapt and work around the situation instead of being unwilling to bend, the quicker it can be resolved. This will save you much stress over trying to force something to happen a certain way. I have learned that by being adaptable and willing to accept something different from what I planned sometimes even turns out to be better!

Be Willing To Bend,
Rhonda